In short, the first part was about my current struggle with knowing what exactly is my “calling.” I have been praying that God would give me wisdom and that he would help me understand what he might be calling me to do. What I am coming to understand is that the underlying and root factor of my uncertainty is insecurity. I look at the congregation during worship on Sunday and see people who are disengaged. I ask myself “What am I doing wrong?” I compare my skills in songwriting, voice, musical talent, and leadership abilities against others who are far more developed than mine and become discouraged. Through this I have learned that in order to fulfill God’s calling on my life I need to have clarity of vision – I need to know what God is calling me to – and I need to be confident about it trusting that God will equip me for the calling. Without clarity and without confidence, when circumstances that are everything but perfect it is so easy for me to question whether or not I am in the right place and doing the right things.
Insecurity is something I have always struggled, but I never realized how much it would hinder my ability to lead and be who God has called me to be. After spending some time in prayer. I “stumbled” across an article entitled “The Art of Leadership is Not Without Struggle” by Lolly Daskal. In it she gives a break down of the life events of someone we know as one the most influential leaders in American history. Failure after failure, rejection after rejection, and loss after loss Abraham Lincoln was persistent and never gave up. Finally, at the age of 51, he became the President of the United States. Daskal says “Life has a way of throwing us into situations that test us, evaluate us, and assess us. Leaders who do not waver in times of struggle, those are the leaders who are truly exceptional.” Lincoln faced much struggle. Yet, even in the midst of less than perfect circumstances he persisted and is now a figure that is regularly studied in American history.
God is teaching me that leadership has amazing rewards but it also brings significant struggle. Ultimately, it is how we handle the struggle that will determine what kind of leader we are. He is also teaching me that insecurities are a detriment in the life of a leader. They will not only hinder leadership but will devour from the inside out. Quick side note… I just got an image of gigantic termites wrecking shop haha 🙂 Confidence is a key component in a leader. In order to fulfill what God has called me to do I need confidence. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. The confidence I am speaking of is a confidence in knowing what God is called me to do and walking in that calling even when it feels more like hiking a mountain than a smooth road. I am speaking of having confidence in God to equip me for the work he has called me to. I am speaking of having confidence in God to see me through my many failures.
If you get a chance, I would encourage you to read “The Art of Leadership is Not Without Struggle.” It is a short and easy read. The link is below.